“How are you So Happy?”
What are the factors that make it so easy for me to be happy?
This is a question a friend asked me today, and I realized that it’s been a question I’ve fielded before in my life.
It’s not an easy answer, of course, as we all have different life circumstances, biochemistry, traumas that we’ve endured and, I believe, karma that we carry. And… I still believe this is a question worth answering from my personal perspective on how I have cultivated joy in my life.
Deep Acceptance: Acceptance of self, of what is, of the Universe as light and dark. I’m talking like SOUL-level acceptance, and authentically embracing the world as it is.
Some people have said: “the world doesn’t always have a silver lining, Meghann!” but I beg to differ. Every moment of darkness contains a kernel of light, just as the yin yang symbol suggests. It is up to us to see the light in the darkness. And it takes eating your carrots so you can see in the dark! (Vitamin A, baby!!!
Cultivating a mindset of both/and. The mind gets really twisted up in confusion thinking that we are separate, and things are separate, and that the world is full of this or thats.
It’s not - everything is on a spectrum and the world is complex. Things are interconnected and woven together like intricate tapestries. So it’s not as simple as good/bad, black/white, wrong/right. The illusion that the world is easy enough to split into categories puts us through a lot of grief and we can feel disoriented and chaotic with this confusion.
Generosity of Spirit. Giving people the benefit of the doubt really brings your heart into an alignment with the good of humanity and the innate integrity of the Universe.
Our unhappiness can often be a remnant experience of someone else’s pain, mistakes, or unkind actions. People hurt us and there are people in the world who are not looking out for your best interest (in fact, most people are often just looking out for their own best interest - this is true!). However, looking for the good in humanity magnetizes more good. And understand this: when someone hurts you, it is often just their own pain radiating out onto you. This awareness helps you cultivate compassion instead of anger, blame or taking on their pain.
Embrace Love: Let people into your heart. Be receptive to tenderness. Drink in the intimacy between friends, family, kids, pets and lovers. Express your endearment of others - it will boomerang back to you tenfold. Feel your human desire to connect and follow that thread - it will lead you to that feeling of interconnectedness with the Universe… to Love. You will see the world through the same rose-colored glasses that I do: LOVE.
See Fear for what it really is. Fear is a warning that you are on the edge of something. Whether it is the edge of a cliff, or the edge of a transformative experience - fear is an emotional indicator that there is something exciting, perhaps a little dangerous, but definitely something powerful on your horizon.
Excitement and fear register in the nervous system in the same way. You can transmute fear from an unpleasant experience to an arousing one by simply seeing the situation from a different angle. I don’t mean to say you should jump off that cliff… but then again, maybe you should if there are deep waters below? It’s up you and your own risk assessment to decide what’s best in that moment of anticipation, with the awareness that either danger or heart-stopping opportunity awaits. Galvanize it.
Really FULLY feel the sadness. While life is a spectrum and I do not believe we are either this or that, there are poles to the spectrum. The inverse emotions to happiness are sadness, melancholy, sorrow, grief… The world can be a very sad place, indeed. There are certainly things that happen in our lives that generate deep despondency: death, rejection, illness, injustice, loss, endings, unexpected outcomes… In order to fully feel your capacity for joy and happiness, you must sit in this sadness with full acceptance that it is real, it is happening, and like all emotions, it will come to pass after you’ve let it run its course.
Connect! This brings me to my final and most important HOW. Because we live in a complex world and because we are humans who have more elaborate needs than other animal brethren, we have deeper needs associated with the co-regulation of our nervous systems.
Some people have cast judgment on me for jumping from relationship to relationship in my life, however, I was born with a partner - my twin sister Jacqui has been with me since conception. I’m used to having a partner in crime always around - someone I deeply connect to.
I feel all these alliances I’ve had since birth have created a coherence, a sense of belonging and a deep rooted bond to my innate interconnectedness that has prevailed. Even when I have not been in romantic partnership, my friends and family have held my heart in theirs and my connection to humanity and life itself has persisted.
SO… that’s a lot of words and thoughts. What is the actual HOW here, Meghann?
I believe much of the above can be distilled down to a few practices: Self-Love Practices, breathing meditations, intentional reflection and journaling, conscious relating with others and deliberate dialogue with a mental health professional that understands the spectrum of the human experience.
This is why I chose to be a coach - so that I could have these conversations with people for a living. I have been having these conversations with people for years as a barista, a bartender, a friend, a community member and even a stranger on an airplane.
I intentionally decided to go out into the world and direct my training at intentional conversations so that I could really hone my skills as a listener and a healing force for people who are hurting in the world.
If you are interested in working with me or learning the practices that expand my joy and prosperity - contact me here.
I would love to have a deeper conversation with you.